Biofilms at dinner
If I could cry, constantly, for a trillion years — would I have then birthed enough water to lymphatically wash this grief?
Searching for the end or beginning of this ocean of tears, I cannot remember myself as I was. The hands of my ancestors rest on shoulders, telling me that the current will turn… eventually. They say to pray and swim, but still I feel so completely alone as I am floated — sick meat — to my crucifixion.
What good is my sacrifice anyway? This diseased body of I AM
I AM has no more ownership of skin, no robe of Christ to conceal the invasion of a bloodline that pours through generations of womb-man.
I AM has already been put on the cross, and we found there the same psychosis with a different face.
And I can’t remember my birth face anymore…
My Mother Earth, have you aborted me? My Father Sun, why did you leave me?
My sister, can you not see how much you rape this I AM?
My brother, why do you tell me we are separate, but claim responsibility as the centre of my suffering, AM I only because of you?
Man, come see the flowers I planted that have all died now too, me and them are together, rotting at our roots — Mbali. Can you hear me now, brother? Come see the garden and our decay, see then if you would still like to claim ownership of so much loss.
The angels must have descended somewhere else, this I AM must therefore be too spoiled to save.
Dear God: Where are you? If I am your vessel, why am I so sick?
Dear God: My heart is broken. Please come. Please send an angel that remembers my name and the magic words of salvation.
Dear God: I pray my kin be forgiven. I pray they stay hidden from the call of the cross.
Inside my throat there is the Karoo and I am voiceless as the scorched sheath of I AM.
Where is the truth in songs that promised me redemption in caves across mystical oceans?
Without faith I am completely alone, carried in broken bowls to try contain my decay, floated on the backs of narcoleptic turtles to the crucifixion of I AM.
Arriving at the gates of the void, Eve and Lilith WE ARE.
And I AM just dinner for biofilms.
